Sunday, March 28, 2010
But I'm thinking of a million other things - silly things - anything to keep from starting. I used to have to clean my entire house before I could start on a paper....but that has been replaced with checking all my websites and answering all my emails first. And writing this blog post.
I look at my list of things to do today - not bad - but the main thing - with a star next to is this chapter. (Well that, and "Clean Gun.") Other things: get vitamins, meet dad at 2, answer phone calls, listen to archive of Paranoize and Stoned Insanity from this week.
I've also been thinking of writing something about the Jessie James debacle, the updates on the new website, and the dream I had last night in which I stole a vibrator from a sex shop and totally felt guilty about it. It was green and I walked out with it in my purse. (Wonder what that means.)
I'll probably make a video about the two shows on Monday too. UGH
So, off to write and listen to metal and drink hot tea - the start of a perfect Sunday!
Sunday, March 21, 2010
While discussing the show with Fowler, he mentioned something that really stuck with me last night: Their main goals are to promote REAL underground music and to help each other out. That's why BER will be a perfect fit for me. And I am so excited that Stoned Insanity's Lizard Messiah will be hosting a show after me from 10-12 central!
Both Lizard and I have decided to keep our Blog Talk Radio shows for now, be we are thinking of switching to be sure. Only time will tell.
Of course, both my shows will be simulcast on my Ustream channel - for you visual junkies out there. (Those are always available on AnnieChrist.com.)
On the book project: I am getting notes and interviews together on the Teenage Waste years. There are times when I think about the enormity of the whole project based on the info coming in from just this band - and it is overwhelming. But I plan to just take it one chapter at a time. I am not kidding when I say Mike has lived an incredible, fearless life. It's crazy to hear about it sometimes.
Oh, and last but not least. I inherited a fucking cannon. My last living grandparent died two days ago - I was never close with him so I certainly didn't expect that he would leave me anything - especially not the coolest thing in his yard! OK, I got the giant concrete alligator and eagle.....but hey, a cannon comes with the deal. I actually think that he didn't leave me these things, but the family is trying to get them off the yard so they can sell his house. Either way, no one in my family would appreciate a cannon more than me. Now all I need is a Nova on blocks, and maybe a clothesline, and I will be the coolest redneck in Alabama!
Ok - I'm off to book the next show - there are some incredible bands coming up this Monday and I hope to see you there!
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Michael, an old friend of Mike's, told me about some of the Rose Tattoo days - and about an incident with Dit and Der. (They published a fanzine in the 80s.) If anyone knows their real name (or how to find them) I would love to hear about it.
I also spoke with Veronica, an ex-girlfriend of Mike's. She was very open and talked with me for hours. Her recollection of their time together will make for some great stories too.
The more I get into this project, the more I have come to respect the people involved. I had no idea that I would learn so much - not just about the underground scene in New Orleans, but about the power of the human spirit in all of us - no matter what we have been through.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
We’re all haunted by something. Much of our lives are spent dealing with one haunting after another. And some of us are haunted by almost everything that touches us. If you think that you aren’t haunted by anything then you don’t have a past and you never made a bad decision; and good for you. I think about what haunts me a lot, maybe too much. I know I’ve thought about it a bit too much these past few days. Sometimes it seems that my humanity is strangled by the things that haunt me. Sometimes it seems that all that’s left are ghosts.
I don’t think haunting is as much about regret as it is about the reality that we make up for ourselves. Most of our demons are self made – for a million different reasons. My regret for a love that I lost is all tied up in memories that may or may not be totally accurate at this point. Those memories are all colored in hues determined by feelings and tears, seen through a broken lens of time and sadness. Heartbreak: this is the haunting of loss.
I think about why I constantly run from the prospect of love, and I can only explain it as a haunting. I’m haunted by the idea of loving someone as much as, say, a song that touches me so deeply I can’t stand to hear it. I avoid it because I can’t bear feeling something with an overwhelming deepness that engulfs me. This avoidance of feeling is the haunting of beauty.
In my interviews for the Mike Williams book, so many people have told me their stories – their sadness and regrets and their sweet memories of friendships and loves lost. They all say something about making bad decisions when they were young – as if they were the only ones who did and now they have to apologize to someone – to themselves – for it. Even after I remind them that everyone believes they have made horrible mistakes, they still feel the need to apologize to me. Not giving ourselves a break – this is the haunting of the past.
When I started writing this, my life was very different. Now, only a few days later, I see that there are so many other things that can haunt: loneliness, doubt, silence. I wonder now if those things have always been with me, only hiding when I have something to lean on and reappearing when I’ve lost the ground under my feet. They are there to define me by my weaknesses whenever I stop walking through them long enough see them and remember they are there. And just like ghosts, as soon as I stop allowing them to be, they disappear again.